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They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church personnel with the ability [...]]]>  

Notice seen recently:

TEENAGERS

Are you fed up with your

stupid parents making rules?

THEN

Move out, rent your own place,

get a job and start paying the bills

WHILE YOU STILL KNOW IT ALL.

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They’re Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church personnel with the ability to type badly.

 These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS & TYPOS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference will include free coffee & biscuits. 
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The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’

The sermon tonight: ‘Searching for Jesus.’
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Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
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Don’t let worry kill you off  – let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. 
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For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs. 
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. 
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is finished. 

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. 
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. 
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday:
‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours!

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Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?* His last battle.

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?* At the bottom of the page. 

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?* Liquid. 

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?* Marriage. 

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?* Exams. 

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?* Lunch & dinner. 

Q7. What looks like half an apple?* The other half. 

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?* It will simply become wet 

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?* No problem, he sleeps at night. 

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand 

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?* Very large hands 

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?* No time at all, the wall is already built. 

Q13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?*Anyway you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.